Toddlers and tantrums

Evelyn seldom screams. Bad tantrums that brings up headaches occurs rarely. Last week, she gave me one that is quite unforgettable.

It happened because of something really trivial. All memorable tantrums start that way, it seems. Then the situation got more and more heated as she ups her volume and refuses to listen. Oh, she told me she wants to listen many, many times. But after I repeated my instruction, she would continue to insist on going against it. So, more time outs. Except the execution of the time outs became more and more difficult. She began to scream "don't leave me alone, mommy", and cling to me like an octopus. I need to peel her of off me before I can run out of her room to leave her in it. The screams drive me nuts but the "don't leave me alone" and the desperation with which she grab on to me break my heart. I cannot stand my children feeling that they were abandoned by me. Yes, I may be too dramatic here, but it is one of my worst fears. But I digress. I was amazed by her screams, by how she does it with her whole being. As if it's from the very root of her soul. As if her life depended on it. There was no holding back. It was pure emotion, pure desire. We all want our children to behave, be reasonable and civil, and be calm when facing distressing situations. But that afternoon, standing in her room, hauling her back to her room for the nth time out by her arms, feeling exhausted by this fight, I found myself also mourning the time when she would loose this freedom to let it all out as she grow up, when the restraints will be put in place. It's a price we all pay in order to mature and make the world a livable place, I suppose.