Rediscovering Evelyn

Is it possible to love your child more and more each day?
When Lauren was just brought home, I was off kilter. I was struggling to find my footing as a parent of two and getting used to night nursing again. A new born that also needs my attention and care, the lack of sleep, and the potty training process that seemed to finally pick up combined to make me rather short on temper and quick to snap.
Many nights did I look back at certain events during the day and regretted on my reaction and confined to their father that I've become an awful mother. In fact, I thought it was miraculous that for how impatient I was with her, Evelyn continues to love and demand me so. Then, something even more miraculous happened. We somehow managed to find a groove. While there are still difficult days and exhausting times, all in all, dare I say it, we're managing pretty good. I no longer freak out over vacation week when both girls will be home with me, alone, for consecutive days. I find myself confidence enough on my ability to take care of and entertain them both at the same time that the prospect of being snowed in doesn't send me panicking. With the frustration threshold elevated, I find myself really, truly enjoying Evelyn as a three year old. Now that I stopped pulling my hair out over a spilled toy basket/juice cup/$25-a-small-tiny-tube lotion, many of the horrible three actions sent me laughing instead of count-to-ten-deep-breathing. Such as how she'd squirm all over the place until her chair is far from the dinning table yet keeping half her bottom on it at all times, obeying the "keep your bottom on the chair during dinner" rule. Oh, or the time when she ate cookies while I was in the shower, breaking the "no cookies until after lunch" rule. She was a terrible cookie thief. I knew what was going on when I heard the dining chair being pulled towards the cookie box. Then, there's the child herself who, while managed to wash her hands, didn't care to brush off the cookie crumbs that ringed her mouth. Of course I can't forget to mention the big throwaway. To my question of "what are you doing?", she proudly answered "I ate a cookie!"
There is how she loves to be a princess. If she could, she would be in her Snow White Halloween costume everyday. Her pretty shoes and her pretty dress make it easier to step into her little princess plays. The way she deliberately kicks off one of her sparkling slippers so she could land on the couch to await for her prince just cracks me up.
There is also how she loves her sister. Always wanting to hold her, kiss her, know what the baby is doing. I stepped away from the room the other day, leaving the two of them. Lauren, laying on her play mat on the floor, started fussing, and I heard Evelyn comforting her: "it's okay, I'm here, I'm here". And then she tried to pick the baby up and toppled over, with Lauren on top of her.
The list goes on and on. It's like I'm rediscovering Evelyn all over again, and just loving her more and more every day. It's a wonderful thing.

Evelyn and Lauren together

Evelyn loves Lauren. Lauren is always the first to receive bedtime and goodbye hugs and kisses. When I'm holding Lauren, Evelyn would ask me to sit beside her so she can see Lauren, talk to her, and touch her. Whenever I leave the room for mere seconds, Evelyn would keep an eye on Lauren. In fact, I have to warn her off from trying to rock Lauren in her swing too much, or from picking Lauren up. Lauren loves Evelyn in return. When Evelyn's at home, Lauren follows her every movement with her eyes, watching her play, observing her movements. She is fascinated by her big sister.

The other day, Evelyn was dressed in her Snow White Halloween costume (a costume that was well worth buying) and watching Snow White movie, again. She likes the story so much, and has watched the movie so many times, she remembers some of the lines. This particular afternoon, she was watching the movie while play acting out the scenes. Then came the part where Snow White dances with the Seven Dwarfs after dinner. Evelyn twirled and spun and danced with the princess on screen. Lauren watched and laughed and laughed and laughed. It was one of the most precious moments.