A mother's grief over a lost child is one of the most difficult scenes to witness. A co-worker's husband came to the office this morning bearing the harrowing news that their youngest son passed away. Even though their son was already 40, to her, he was still her baby. "What are we going to do?" she asked her husband. He could only wordlessly answer her with a fierce hug. As friends, colleagues, and by-standers, the rest of us in the office were rendered helpless. Any words we utter and gestures we offer in a lame attempt to comfort her slid off her deep sadness like raindrops on a duck's back. How could you comfort a mother who just lost a child? We stood or sat helplessly as we watch her being washed over by sorrow, and shed our own tears silently with her.
I know death is an integral part of life. I've experienced lost of family myself. But as I grow older, fell and stayed in love, and now becoming a mother, I find myself fearing death more than ever. The deeper I love, the more I intertwine my existence with the ones I love, and the more vulnerable I become to the concept of death. The idea of losing someone that is a part of me, that is what makes my life full of meaning is unbearable. I know no one could avoid death, but that knowledge does not lessen my fear of it.
Someone told me "whatever God deals you, He knows you can handle." I believe that's true. I believe that every one has some secret strength stashed in them, only to be used in emergency situations. But sometimes... sometimes, I am not that sure anymore.
