Hello baby, I think I felt you again just then. And this time, it was definitely you, not gas. Little, tiny thumps on the lower half of my abdomen. Almost like a hiccup. Could it be though? At this early stage?
We saw you this afternoon, me and your daddy. At 16 weeks and 3 days according to the chart or 17 weeks and 5 days according to the ultrasound, you are still small enough to have room to move around. We saw your open hands, your curled up legs, your little heart pumping strong and beautiful at 157 beats per minute, and what could be the indication of you being a boy. Today, you looked healthy and strong. Growing steadily and meeting the doctor's expectations. Seeing you doing so wonderfully eased my mind, if just a bit. Two weeks ago, mommy caught fifth disease (Parvovirus), and now the fear of it passing through the placenta to impact you hangs constantly over my head. That is why we got to see you this one extra time before the big 18 weeks ultrasound. And that is also why we will be seeing you once a week for the next 10-12 weeks afterward. We need to make sure your bone marrow is consistently producing healthy blood cells as it should be, and that there is no sign of you being anemic. Because of this worry, I have been holding on to every news about you tightly, sharing it only sparsely with the world, as if doing so could safe guard you somehow. Silly thoughts, I know. But when there's so little I can do but provide you a place to exist and grow, there is so little in my control that I have to hold on to every bit of it. Your sisters are enthusiastically learning everything about you though. We told them that they should be expecting a baby brother, but that you are still tiny and needs time to grow in my belly. Since that little piece of information was given, every time Lauren sees me, she reconfirms the fact that you are growing in my belly, and that you still need time to grow some more before you can come out. She can't wait for you to be out so she can hug you, hold you, take care of you, and play with you. In fact, you were the number one item on her Christmas list. We had to tell her that you are out of Santa's jurisdiction. So funny, the third time around and the thought of a little life living inside of me is still such a curious one that seems incredulous and amazing. Since the second trimester, I've been feeling a lot better in terms of morning sickness. It almost feel like my body is back to be my own, but it's not. For there's you. Yet for the longest time I have yet to grow big nor feel you. Now there's that little thump. I am so glad you are actively reminding me of your existence. I can't wait to have a big belly and feel you straining against my skin, poking and elbowing and kicking and ready to be free. Feeling your sister's body snuggling close to me at bed time, I wondered what you would be like. Would it be completely different from having little girls? Would you like to snuggle as much as your sisters? What would I need to do differently? Would you be okay with so much pink stuff around? How am I suppose to potty train you? I hope I will do you go. I know I will try. For now, stay and grow. I will try my best to keep you safe and healthy. Know that I love you. We all do.
