When Evelyn was a baby, I was keenly aware of how old she was and what milestones she should be hitting. I bounced in my seat with excitement when she approached her four months mark, eager to begin feeding her solids. I wanted her to take her sweet time growing up, but I also can't wait to look ahead and see what's coming, to know her as a child and later as an independent individual. With Lauren, it feels like days bleed into weeks bleed into months. Time is not segmented, but a mass continuous body. An ocean, perhaps, on which life travels. And I set sail with Lauren always in my arms. She's my baby and I have no intention to speed up her development. But time passes regardless of how much or little I care about it. And all of a sudden, Lauren's had her four months check up and ready for play feeding. All of a sudden, she's aggressively attacking her fist, my fingers, my cheeks, or anything within range with her gum to ease teething discomforts. All of a sudden, she's getting on all fours and inching herself backwards (to be stuck under the coffee table). My newborn is not that new anymore. She's almost 6 months old! My, my.
It amuses me how different my attitudes are on caring for Evelyn and for Lauren. A Chinese saying goes "the first child, you rear by book; the second child, you rear like a pig (as in the child's basic needs are your prime concerns. It sounds worse in English than it does in Chinese)." Re-reading my journal for Evelyn, I was taking notes every time an expert comes to give talks at the weekly mothers support group. Develop a bed time routine as early as you can? Of course. Got to start massaging baby's gum before the teeth comes in? No problem. Let the baby nap every two hours? Okay. I took all these advice to heart and carried them out as best as I could, worrying over Evelyn's night time routine (there were 3 journal entries on bed time routine in Evelyn's 4th month), breaking out the baby gum wash cloth, and checking baby websites weekly for mile stones that she should be meeting. With Lauren, I still pay attention to these advices that came my way, but I'm a lot more relaxed and not actively seeking out and chasing after them. This time, I'm letting Lauren lead me, waiting to see what she is going to show me. Rather than marking down the next mile stone and waiting for Lauren to meet it, I find myself in a constant stage of wonderment, looking forward to what ability Lauren's about to reveal. It's been amazing.
Since Evelyn, I'm no longer qualifies as a "new mom" no matter how new my next child is. But honestly, I think with every child comes new experiences, and that makes a mom new regardless of how many children she's already has.
