Sunday, October 18, 2009

Bringing Lauren here


How did I ever forget the pain of delivering a baby? How could the memory of contractions that threatens to overwhelm one's body and will, or the terrible burning sensation that promises to rip your body apart if you push any iota more become so vague and distant until it is time to do it all over again?

10/14/2009, we checked into the hospital at 8am to induce baby Lauren.
It took 3 tries for the nurses to get an IV catheter into my supposedly delicate and tiny yet useless when it comes to catheters vein, and the Pictocin drip was finally started around 10:30am.

The contractions never build up much from the Pitocin. I keep waiting for the contraction to intensify, telling my body that I could take more, just BRING IT ON ALREADY, but it never did. At 7:30pm, I was still at 4cm, 80% effaced, and +1 station, only 1cm more dilated before the drip. The doctor broke my water.

At 8:30pm, all ability to control facial muscle through the pain was lost. On the pain scale of 0 to 10, it's a 10, no question about it. If there's any pain beyond what I was feeling, I pray no one needs to feel it. The doctor and the nurse were called in to consult on medical options to ease the suffering. The anesthesiologist was in a surgery, I was told, so epidural was out. How about something to take off the edge? I was at the peak of the transitional period, but still have 2cm to go. "Would it get any worse?" I asked the doctor in a puny voice. Probably not from the contraction, she said, but pushing would be a different kind of pain. Would I want anything to help me through the delivery? Um... Yes, please. The doctor discussed with nurse on what I should be given. The nurse turned to go, and I halted everyone by uttering the magic word "pressure!" That was 8:35pm. I was ready to give birth.

8:59pm, Lauren was born. The little girl came fast and furious. For all the waiting and anticipating, it's still hard to believe that she is now finally here. It is hard to believe how such a big change in all our lives could arrive so swiftly and happen so matter-of-fact-ly. The earth of my world quaked and restructured itself, mountains moved and oceans surged, but no one outside the hospital room noticed. And now after the searing pain, I have a little sticky, bloody, and wondrous little human being so tiny and fragile in my arms finally here for us to love. The adventure of life continues.

Note: The doctor and nurses commented on how great I did, which I don't understand. Was there a different way to do it? The baby was coming, I couldn't stop it. There was no "let's all take five"; no "here Michael, it's your turn, take over"; no "I quit". I had to push, and so I did. What other options were there? Yes, I did it all naturally. But don't forget, I really didn't have a choice. Any mother would need to go through what I had gone through in order to become a mother, no? More power to the mothers!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Snow White

Nanny bought Evelyn a Snow White costume for Halloween.
Last night, she put it on and we play acted the story, oh I don't know, ten thousand times?
At one point, it went like this:

Snow White (Evelyn) directed the Evil Queen (me) on how to make the poison apple while cleaning the little dwarfs house. After that, she waited for me to come tempt her with it.

Evil Queen: Oh dear lady, I'm a poor old lady who is so thirsty. Could you please spare me some water to drink?
Snow White: Which one you want? (Pointing behind her) There is chocolate milk, juice, soda, milk, water...
Evil Queen: (a bit stunned at the choices) ... ugh.... how about some milk?
Snow White: Milk is too high (pointing at high beyond her head), I'm too little, I can't reach (showing regret on her face).
Evil Queen: ....

So, the Evil Queen got her water, and gave the apple to Snow White. She took a bite of the apple, looked around a bit dazed, then...

Snow White: I pick a spot. Oh, here.
Snow White moved to the appropriate location, carefully sat down, laid out her dress, ask for a flower to hold in front of her chest, and then slowly laid down to wait for the prince.

That, is how Evelyn's Snow White works.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Still waiting

38 weeks and still going. Still waiting. Still wondering.
Evelyn was induced at 37th week because of my high blood pressure and a mildly elevated protein level in my urine. At 37th week and a few days this time, I was sent over to the hospital for more blood work and a non-stress test because of the exact same issues. But this time, even though the 24 hour urine collection test (3rd such test I did during this pregnancy) showed that the protein level is again mildly elevated, I only received a stricter bed rest order and more "we'll keep a close eye on you" answers. We're suspended in uncertainties of what is to come, going from check up to check up. Unknowing is a hard position to be in.

Bed rest is hard. Only a few days in and I feel like my left ear is permanently mushed into my head, my hair will forever have a flat lopsided look, and my left hip would never be rid of the soreness that comes from supporting my weight hour after hour. I have no idea how other moms do it. As much as I complain, I must be honest and admit that lying down is indeed the most comfortable position for me right now. It makes my irregular contractions (Braxton-Hicks still) little less uncomfortable, and takes the pressure from the baby's weight off some.

Checking the calendar, we have but 2 more weeks to go before the due date. Dear baby #2, I'll leave it up to you. Come when you are ready. But please, don't dally!

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Marrying

"I want to marry." Evelyn declared quietly after another story with a happily-ever-after ending.
"Who do you want to marry?" I asked.
She pointed at me a bit shyly but determinedly, "mommy," making me laugh.
I've heard of stories of little boys or girls saying that they want to marry their mommy or daddy, but hearing it from my own daughter still touches and trickles me tremendously.
"You'll grow up one day, fall in love with a boy, and marry him," I told her after I caught my breath.
"First mommy, then boy," was her solution.
For the rest of the afternoon, whenever I asked her to come hold my hand, be it going down stairs or walking into the parking lot, she'd run over crying "I wanna marry you!" before she takes my hand.
And I love you, too, little girl.